"It started with the perfect kiss then We could feel the poison set in"...

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die...

Already Gone-Kelly Clarkson

I knew this would happen, but I still didn't want it to. Yesterday, I visited with a group of my friends in Long Beach. We had fun dishing out random stories and being silly like we always were. However, it was impossible not to feel the slightest feeling that we are all changing and moving. The only question is are we moving closer or further apart? I hope it's not the latter....

At the beginning of the summer I said I could predict but didn't hope that Erik would be around again. And sure enough, it's started. It's not that big YET, I just don't know where to go. Yesterday Erik called me right when he woke up, which was interesting in it's own sense. We talked for a while and I told him I was going with my friends to Long Beach. Now, once upon a time, Erik was in our group of "friends." But now considering how the story of Erik and I played out, they aren't always so fond of him and he has gradually moved out of our circle. Mind you, this was a long time ago, like when we were still in high school. Anyways, when I told him where I was going and whom I was going with, HE WANTED TO COME! I was like....um what? are you serious? and he was. I just don't know why he would want to do that? Whatever, he didn't end up coming cause it was a GIRLS ONLY day lol.

The horrible part was yet to come. So at 11:11pm Gardy and I always wish. Well we try anyways. Like at 11:10 I'll text him...Ready? and he responds GO! at 11:11. It's silly but I think it's cute. So, every time, I wish for the same thing. You can probably guess what, or who, it is. However, last night, before I could think, I thought I wish for Erik. I opened my eyes like I had just woke up from a nightmare and was terrified. Tiffani looked at me all worried and I just said OMG...OMG. I tried to think again, like to repeal my wish before it got to the little wish fairies, and again I thought Erik. I wanted to cry. What does that mean? That can't be what I really want...can it?

stupid heart...get it together