Overdose.

I cannot believe that I have been home for ONE WEEK and there is already drama. I swear I attract it like a magnet or something. For the first few days I was fine, hiding out in my room, making it all pretty and organized. Wednesday I went out with my cubby aka. Tiffani and it was wonderful. I miss her lovely smile and stories. Her optimism and realistic nature gives me hope and keeps me grounded. I know that she is going through some hard times and it kills me because, despite her strong appearance, I know she is hurting. In time I know she will be crack, I just hope she knows that I will be there for her to help put the pieces back together. <3
Last night was the beginning of the downfall. Paul called me all upset because he had broken up with his girlfriend. So he ends up calling this girl named Kristina, a girl that our friend Jeff is very fond of, and hangs out with her. I told him this was not a good idea, but of course Paul doesn't listen to me. So Jeff is texting me and Paul and he realizes that Kristina is with us, which hence caused Jeff to get really upset and take all 20 pills of his anti depression medication landing him right in the emergency room. I found out that he was in the hospital today and started talking to Paul on when we should go. He said we would go around 6. 6 rolled around, no Paul. 7...no Paul. Come to find out that he is at his job, where he is not even working tonight, hanging out with Kristina again and this other girl Amanda. I am soooooooo mad at him right now. I really cannot believe how selfish and pig headed that boy can be. I never want to speak to that kid ever again.

Today caused me to get in contact with a few people I have not spoken to in quiet a while. One of them being Erik. We actually had a very nice conversation, beginning with Jeff and what we are going to do with this situation, and then just talking about life. It's days like this when I remember what we were, who he was once upon a time when I loved him. But, even as we talked today, we know that was two years ago and we really can't dwell on the past, especially on the bad. We know that we are friends and we will be for a long time. We know that it is hard for people to understand how two people that used to date, that used to be in love, that had a horrible break up can be friends, but then again, I have never been part of the norm and do not intend to start now. I love him and always will on some level and I believe the same goes for him.

Now I am sitting in my room wondering if Jeff, who is now in surgery, is ok. With every ring and vibration of my phone I hold my breath. I just have to hope for the best, hopefully I will see him tomorrow. Other then that, I can't wait to see my friends on Sunday. My first beach day of the summer! Then Monday will be my trip up to Oxnard :) wish me luck.... <3

oh and still waiting for them to call me about my job....rawr I hate waiting :(

As for now, I am going to try to sleep and wake up refreshed and clear headed for my long and complicated day tomorrow...he's gonna need me