To: HIM

I need to write this to get it off my chest...
I wish I could say this to you for real but I don't know if I am strong enough yet. You have been my everything and the worst thing for me at the same time. I don't understand how we have grown into such different and disagreeable people. Quiet frankly it kills me. We used to be so cool, all we needed was each others presence. Words were not even necessary for us, all I needed to hear was the sound of you breathing or the rate of your heartbeat to understand exactly what you were thinking. But all of that is changed now. I look at you and I don't know the person looking back at me. I know your still there because when I hug you, my head fits right into your chest and I hear your heart. Our rhythm was once in sync. But now your on your own path. I can tell by your actions and the words you speak, once soooo passionate now hard. I hate it. I hate this person who you are. I have told myself, no my guy is still in there and I still get glimpses of him when I see you....

But that is a lie, denial. You are what you do. I cannot tell myself that it's just a phase any longer. If that is who you want to be I cannot do anything for you. I wish I could say you don't effect me. Oh how I wish I could. But today was just another example of how you still hold a special part of me. I have one request; can I have my old self back, that part you took? When you changed you took me, the girl I used to know when I looked at myself in the mirror. Today I was angry, I yelled, I cried, I walked out of a dance class because you made me so frustrated. That's not me...that's never been me. I want me back. I know that this is on me but the first step of that is the realization I WILL NEVER HAVE YOU BACK,especially the "you" I loved. Quiet frankly the BOY I see once a month (because I need a reminder of why we don't talk anymore) disgusts me. I can't be there for you anymore, regardless of all circumstances. You want to say your a man, act all bad, start acting like one for real. Don't rely on me, your back up for everything for the last 2 years. Stand up and man up. Most importantly, leave me out of it.

sincerely,
the WOMAN you will never have back, who doesn't need you,the reminder of the BIGGEST mistake you ever made, and the best thing that you have ever had...

Rebecca Irene Valdez