plateau

Main Entry:
1pla·teau Listen to the pronunciation of 1plateau
Pronunciation:
\pla-ˈtō, ˈpla-ˌ\
Function:
noun
Inflected Form(s):
plural plateaus or pla·teaux Listen to the pronunciation of plateaux \-ˈtōz, -ˌtōz\
Etymology:
French, from Middle French, platter, from plat flat
Date:
1796

1 a: a usually extensive land area having a relatively level surface raised sharply above adjacent land on at least one side : tableland b: a similar undersea feature2 a: a region of little or no change in a graphic representation b: a relatively stable level, period, or condition3: a level of attainment or achievement


That is pretty much the best way I know how to describe what is going on right now.

A. I have hit the dreaded plateau in my diet. For the last three weeks I have no gained or lost weight, which I guess is kind of a good thing...right? But in all honesty I really need to get back on it because I have been slacking off. I blame the summer parties with all the BBQ foods...mmmmm yummy. I have started the whole work out thing but I think I need to get harder on myself with that too.

B. Finances. Goodness I wish it was a plateau instead of a constant incline of debt. But hopefully for myself, and my family, I can start getting back to a steady plateau of incoming checks. :) Today I went to my brothers and filled out some paperwork to be a leasing agent. Also, I got an email from my boss at school and maybe I can work for him in the summer for the month of August. Hopefully this mess all turns around.

and of course, there has to be one downfall in the mountain of my life. Today when I was driving home, my car died. So now I'm waiting to see if it was just a little problem like a water pipe, or a blown engine. Considering how things are going, its probably going to be the later. I don't think my family can take anymore bad news.

I am really missing school now, even though I know that when I go back its going to suck because my roommate will be in another country. And whats even better, because of all this bonding and reuniting I have been doing with my loves, I am sooooo gonna be sad when I can't see them everyday.

What I want right now, what I REALLY REALLY REALLY want, is to get a job for one, and to have him here. I want him to make that effort to see me. We stayed up last night talking and me trying to help him with his computer issues and we got on the topic of friends not being there for one another. He was complaining about a friend of his, and I'm like ok then get over here and hold me cause right now I need you.

Alright I'm done with my ranting, I guess I'll sleep now. Hopefully tomorrow will be oh so much better. :)

To: HIM

I need to write this to get it off my chest...
I wish I could say this to you for real but I don't know if I am strong enough yet. You have been my everything and the worst thing for me at the same time. I don't understand how we have grown into such different and disagreeable people. Quiet frankly it kills me. We used to be so cool, all we needed was each others presence. Words were not even necessary for us, all I needed to hear was the sound of you breathing or the rate of your heartbeat to understand exactly what you were thinking. But all of that is changed now. I look at you and I don't know the person looking back at me. I know your still there because when I hug you, my head fits right into your chest and I hear your heart. Our rhythm was once in sync. But now your on your own path. I can tell by your actions and the words you speak, once soooo passionate now hard. I hate it. I hate this person who you are. I have told myself, no my guy is still in there and I still get glimpses of him when I see you....

But that is a lie, denial. You are what you do. I cannot tell myself that it's just a phase any longer. If that is who you want to be I cannot do anything for you. I wish I could say you don't effect me. Oh how I wish I could. But today was just another example of how you still hold a special part of me. I have one request; can I have my old self back, that part you took? When you changed you took me, the girl I used to know when I looked at myself in the mirror. Today I was angry, I yelled, I cried, I walked out of a dance class because you made me so frustrated. That's not me...that's never been me. I want me back. I know that this is on me but the first step of that is the realization I WILL NEVER HAVE YOU BACK,especially the "you" I loved. Quiet frankly the BOY I see once a month (because I need a reminder of why we don't talk anymore) disgusts me. I can't be there for you anymore, regardless of all circumstances. You want to say your a man, act all bad, start acting like one for real. Don't rely on me, your back up for everything for the last 2 years. Stand up and man up. Most importantly, leave me out of it.

sincerely,
the WOMAN you will never have back, who doesn't need you,the reminder of the BIGGEST mistake you ever made, and the best thing that you have ever had...

Rebecca Irene Valdez